Author: Cheryl

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The Definition of Insanity

It’s well known that Albert Einstein gave us the perfect definition of insanity: “doing something over and over again with the expectation of getting a different result,” right?  Wrong.

First of all, it’s incorrectly attributed to Einstein. He said no such thing.  Second of all, the statement isn’t even true. Doing something over and over again is called persistence. Of course we expect a different result, and if we’re committed to giving our best efforts, we often get what we want.
I’m reminded of the story of a young girl in Louisiana who wanted to be an actress in the movies.  The only problem was, she didn’t have any experience. So this girl — I’ll call her Norma — auditioned at her local theater over and over again. Each audition was met with a cold reception and no call-back.  So when the 28th play announced there would be an open casting call, she signed up without hesitating. Insane, right? 

Well, she nailed the audition and got the role of Beatrix in “The Last Days of Summer” by Norman Potter. This was the role that would change her life. She was so mesmerizing and so captivating and gave such a powerful performance that the local theater critic proposed to her backstage.

To make a long story short, she ended up moving to Hollywood and becoming one of the most sought-after actresses and models in the history of cinema. So doing something over and over again and expecting a different result is not insane, it’s sometimes absolutely necessary.

And what about the marriage proposal? She made the critic ask another 27 times before she finally said yes.

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Appearance Isn’t Everything (But It’s A Lot)

How often have you heard the cliche, “you should never judge a book by its cover”? A lot, right? Well, a new study by a major polling service just released its findings that “over 91% of all books sold each year are purchased based on the consumer’s attraction to the outward appearance or marketing materials of the publication.” Not too shocking, right?  So, yes, looks matter.

Personally, I have come to understand this phenomenon when I starred in a friend’s music video recently. Well, I use the term “starred” loosely… I played a homeless woman, one of several extras; the band walks past us on the street in one scene. 

Anyhoo, this particular production was “low-budge,” for sure. Craft service food consisted of lukewarm water bottles and small bags Cheeze-It snack crackers. But they had an excellent makeup person who truly transformed me and three others into realistic looking homeless people.

As many of you know, film and video production is a slow process, normally, with a lot of waiting for cameras, lights, and people to be placed properly.  Well, I did this job as a favor — and will probably not do it again! — but I did gain a new perspective and empathy for the homeless. Let me explain.

Lunch, as you can probably guess, was not provided. We were on location downtown and the closest restaurant was McDonald’s. Well, try to picture me, face smudged with “dirt,” wearing tattered clothing, walking into that illustrious fast food eatery.

The employees and other customers did not know that a music video featuring homeless extras was being shot nearby, so I got a lot of disturbing looks when I walked in.

The bottom line is, I did not feel welcome. The sense that I was, at best, tolerated and, at worst, despised, was palpable.  But it took me a moment to put it all together. Remember, from my perspective, I’m Cheryl Danziger, publicist to the stars, not a homeless woman about to rant about politics.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not justifying or decrying the behavior of those people in the restaurant. They were being human. I’m merely sharing this story because it reminded me that looks very much do matter.

To the nervous clerk behind the counter, I have to give her credit. I probably should have ordered a meal first, but I really had to go to the rest room, and it required a key. So I marched up to her and asked politely for the bathroom key without thinking much of it. There was an awkward pause that confused me slightly and then she handed it to me. It was only when I got inside and took a glance at the mirror that I realized why I was receiving such a cold reception and how much courage it must have taken the clerk to give me the key.

So I feel for the homeless who must endure this kind of treatment all the time. Is it fair? No. Are others behaving naturally? Yes. I’ll let you know when “Homeless Woman #3” gets her YouTube debut.

“It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible….” 
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

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Just Ugly Enough

My darling husband of 14 years recently told me I was “just ugly enough.”  Now, before you jump in to defend my honor, I have to tell you the context of our conversation.  

We were having dinner for our anniversary (14th, which you’d know if you were paying attention during the previous paragraph) and we got to talking about relationships we were in before we met each other.  I had exactly three relationships and none of them were hot and heavy.  He said he also had three, but I don’t believe him.  Anyway, if he’s lying to spare my feelings I guess I’m okay with that.

So I asked him if his other girlfriends were A, prettier than me; B, less pretty than me; or C, equally pretty as me.  I said it just like that, like it was a question on the SATs or something.  We were having fun.  And then all of a sudden he hits me with the line, the title of this post.

What??!!!  I almost spit margarita out of my nose when he said it.  I didn’t know whether I should laugh, cry, or cry very hard.  He quickly put me at ease, though, when he told me the following story.

He — let’s call him Ben because that’s his name — Ben went to college in the northeast and he remembers “Christie” (not her real name) from his Biology class.  He said whenever he caught a glimpse of her he couldn’t catch his breath.  She was that pretty!  Not only that, he tried approaching her and couldn’t speak (not just stammered and hemmed and hawed, but he could not talk).  Ben says he stood there for a full ten seconds gasping for air and she called for a medic.  I thought that was weird, that she said, “Is there a medic here?” but that’s what she did.

So to cut a long story short, Ben never had a relationship with Christie because she was too pretty.  And I, apparently, am just ugly enough.  I don’t know why Ben couldn’t have said I was just “pretty enough,” but he chose to say it in the negative.  I guess it makes for a better blog title and I ended up with the man of my dreams.  Win-win?  Tell me your thoughts in the comments!

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4 Things I Always Say When I See My Reflection

Very few things surprise me like seeing myself.  I mean, I know what I look like and I would recognize myself in a crowd, but it’s always a little bit shocking to see my face.  I’m not ashamed, per se, but I see flaws more than attributes.  I suppose I’m not alone.  I read a study recently that said the greatest fear, after public speaking and jumping onto a grenade to save your platoon, is the fear of meeting your lookalike at a cocktail party and making small talk.

So whenever I glance up and see myself in front of a mirror or in the window of a parked UPS truck or reflected in the spoon I’m holding, I always make four affirmations.  It doesn’t matter how busy I am or even if someone is honking at me, I always say these four things — out loud and in a clear voice.

thumbs up

  1. Never ever take life for granted.  The cosmos are vast and the universe is daunting.  “Why are we here?” is a great question, but an even greater question is “Why not?”  You may not always appreciate your station in life, but that’s only because you forget you have a station in life.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  Make the most of every moment.
  2. Be better today than you were yesterday.  If we’re not growing, we’re shrinking.  There’s no pause button in life.  Are you challenging yourself?  If not, you’re coasting.  And the only thing a coaster provides is a place to set your drink.
  3. Smile more, squint less.  Your eyes are truly the window to the soul, and your face is the billboard to your heart.  Everyone is selling something, what are you selling?  It doesn’t have to be crass materialism, it can be depth and honesty and humor and charm.  So keep your eyes open to wonder and put your best self forward.
  4. Brush your hair.  It never fails to amaze me how unkempt I am after I leave the house.  Running a quick brush through my hair always lifts me up and puts me in the proper mood to address the three previous affirmations.  That’s why I always carry a brush with me at all times.

NBSB.  That’s the acronym I use to remember these four affirmations.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating this for everybody.  If you have four better things to say, I’d love to hear them (hopefully, they’ll fit the acronym I have because it took me a long time to memorize these things).